I purposely avoided writing down my thoughts here the past few months.
December was too hectic. I was excited, tired, busy, angry, apathetic, happy and hopeful.
January was my darkest. I lost 2 people I love dearly, one of them I haven’t even met. But I met new friends and saw that I need to move on because God has the perfect plan for me.
I miss Pare most in these darkest hours. I recall how when Ninong Mac passed, he really didn’t leave my side. From the time I got home, until I left. He went upstairs with me in my room. He just stayed with me. He didn’t want me to be alone.
I remember, I talked to Louis when Pare passed away. I told him how heartbroken I was. And I told him that I don’t think I can have another dog because I was really hurt when I lost my Pare. I don’t think I can replace him. If I do, I’ll probably have expectations like he is Pare or something, I dunno. He told me that he thinks what I was feeling was normal. His Mom went through the same thing. She lost her dog and didn’t want to be close to other dogs because she was really hurt before and didn’t want to be attached to another dog and lose him again in 15 years tops. I still think of Pare. A lot. And tonight I thought, is what I’m feeling similar from what others feel about failed relationships? I hope I don’t sound like Carrie haha but I have to say no.
It’s not the same. My love for my fallen dog is unconditional. He was loyal to me. Unparalleled. I was his best friend. We have no ill feelings towards each other. Failed human relationships, well, too different! I don’t need to enumerate.
I have my good days and bad days… There are those days that I’m so happy and thankful for anything and everything. But there are bad days that I just don’t feel like doing anything and sulk.
But I try to be mindful. I always remember that all of these are blessings from God. Always be thankful. And I shall be.